Spurs are funny aren’t they? Like really funny. Whenever Arsenal are getting me down I can always count on Spurs…
Who are your favourite team? No, not the team you support, your favourite team, the ones that make you laugh the most. The team you support should make you seethe and feel physical pain for most of the year, so you need to pick someone to take the edge off. I picked Spurs, the gift that keeps on giving, for all of these reasons.
Christian Gross’ tube ticket
Phew, firstly, listen to Alan Sugar’s reasoning in this video when he talks about hiring Christian Gross to succeed Gerry “No, mullets are good, what are you on about” Francis:
“We felt a continental approach was needed”. Read: Arsenal signed that big speccy lame-o and they seem to be doing alright, this is the closest we could get at short notice. Then he turns up at his first press conference, mumbles something about having failed to master the underground system…and well, the writing’s on the wall.
And all their other foreign managers
Jacques Santini, with his 13 games in charge; Martin Jol, like a mellowed out Wilson Fisk from Daredevil, or if that reference doesn’t float your boat, a marble bowling ball in a suit; Juande Ramos, basically fine I suppose, and then the best of them all. AVB. A man who despite all evidence to the contrary has convinced multiple clubs he can manage a football team. Porto was a fluke, lads. Burnley didn’t even want to hire him.
The 2011-2012 season
Spurs are great because they are ambitious, but also, make no mistake, delusional. Desperate to break into the top four without realising that there is an established order and this is rarely broken. 2011-2012 season, perfect example. 4th place finish, some progress, sure, but Chelsea win the Champions League, so snaffoo their qualifying spot. Europa League again for Spurs. The lesson here is, of course, never dream.
When Roy Keane summed them up perfectly
“It was Tottenham at home. I thought please don’t go on about Tottenham, we all know what Tottenham is about, they are nice and tidy but we’ll do them. He came in and said: ‘Lads, it’s Tottenham’, and that was it. Brilliant.”
Roy Keane beefed up on Clonakilty black pudding and white-hot rage almost insulted he has to go out and kick Oyvind Leonhardsen and Stephen Clemence in the shins. It’s beautiful.
This amazing tweet
Yes hindsight is 20/20 and yes these players didn’t seem like quite-such-rubbish buys at the time and yes I did have Chadli in my fantasy football team last year for a bit but still. STILL. So good.
Their new NFL partnership
So Spurs are building a new stadium which has a slightly larger capacity than the Emirates, meaning even more Londoners than ever can go and watch Andros Townsend fail to hit a final ball. It’s truly exciting. What’s even more exciting is that *snigger* the stadium is being built *wets pants* not just with football in mind, but with *knees buckle, collapses to the floor* the NFL. NFL GAMES! BAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
AND THE MAN VS FOOD GUY’S STADIUM TOUR
ADAM RICHMAN IN A FULL TOTTENHAM TRACK SUIT STRUGGLING FOR BREATH. ADAM RICHMAN EARNESTLY EXPLAINING HE HOSTS ‘ADAM RICHMAN’S BEST SANDWICH IN AMERICA’ BEFORE TOURING WHITE HART LANE FOR THE FIRST TIME. ADAM RICHMAN CRYING WHEN HE SEES GRASS, LIKE A BEAGLE THAT’S FINALLY BEEN LET OUT OF THE LAB.
Spurs, never stop being you. I cannot wait for the new season.